Des M. Astor

Into the mind of a grey ace woman.

It’s time to talk about my experience as a bisexual grey ace woman. The first thing we should cover is the question: What is grey ace? Well, it’s when someone falls between the spectrum of allosexual (typical sexual attraction) and asexuality (no sexual attraction). Asexual folks can be sex-positive and engage in sex. They just don’t experience sexual attraction. Some, however, abstain from sex entirely and are not interested. I do not fall into that category.

The first thing that comes to mind when defining my sexuality is doubt. I enjoy sex and feel sexual attraction – so I must be allosexual. Right? Well… no, it gets complicated. Remember the spectrum thing I brought up? That’s where this comes up.

You see, I asked on Twitter a while ago this question right here:

And some of my kind mutuals replied suggesting I may be grey ace. I looked into it, and it makes sense. I want to dive further into how my brain works, though, to give an idea of it, and then talk about how, recently, people have made me incredibly uncomfortable and don’t seem to understand not everyone shares their likes.

As I said in the tweet, I am repulsed by genitalia. Particularly, the penis. I really do not like the sight of it, even if I can handle it as a body part. I have no idea why this is. I am a bit more open to the vagina, but it still looks… not ‘nice’ to me at all. I don’t know how to word that without coming across as rude. Both parts are a ‘squick’ to me, and yet, I enjoy sex, so it’s a bit of a paradox. Toys that look anatomically accurate are not great to me, but those with different colors or whatever are more aesthetically pleasing.

It’s strange looking at the world, which seems hyperfixated on ‘dick’ and ‘pussy’. Which leads me to think of another thing I have even in writing. I wish I could be considered a legitimate ‘smut’ writer for some of my works, but I see posts all the time putting down ‘floral’ language and demanding people use those terms, hard language, in sex scenes. That, and describing fluids (Oh, right, I am repulsed as hell by ‘cum’ but we’ll get into that later.) For me, though, the harder language is repulsive (again – personal.)

Let me give you an example:

“He fucked her in the pussy so hard with his throbbing dick” – hard language.

“He took her roughly, letting out groans of pleasure as moans cascaded from her lips.” -soft language.

I like the use of ‘member’ or ‘length’ for the penis, and ‘warmth’ for vagina. Really, I’d rather mention ‘parts’ as little as possible in my writing, and have been getting better and better at just not mentioning them at all. In those cases, the reader will still know what is going on without the use of hard language. In the erotica/smut space, I’ve seen that frowned upon a LOT. Except… it’s what I, personally, enjoy. It seems like most people don’t understand why, but it’s just how my brain works.

Let’s talk about porn and NSFW pieces. Even if they are of someone I find attractive (muscular goth/punk folks, somewhat feminine features on men (especially goth makeup), somewhat masculine features on women(muscle comes to mind as what the general public think is ‘masculine’ even if I disagree) I will likely not be turned on. Especially if, during the porn segment, I see the parts. However, if it is suggestive, or a blanket is covering that portion of the experience, I can be. My focus is on the upper body – I couldn’t care less what’s going on down there. Sure, it feels good, but it’s mechanical, it gets the job done. It’s important, yes, for that peak (for me), but it’s part of a variety of things coming together, not the main point.

The real sensual thing for me are what their mouth is doing, what their hands are doing. Biting? Choking? Kissing? Talking? I won’t go into my particular kinks (I’m sure you could get a good idea by personal erotica I’ve written) but that’s the key thing for me. The sound of someone’s voice does wonders for me. What’s being said is important. The scent – what does their perfume/cologne smell like? Stuff like that.

Because I enjoy the act of sex, the feeling, and I feel sexual attraction, I figured I am not asexual. And, really, I’m not. I’m grey ace specifically, and I guess would not be considered ‘allosexual’ based on these things here. Given… what’s the definition of ‘fetish’? Well: “a form of sexual desire in which gratification is strongly linked to a particular object or activity or a part of the body other than the sexual organs.” So what does it mean when you are repulsed by sexual organs, but turned on by other things? Supposedly, not ‘among the typical’.

Now, let’s get into fluids. That’s another major squick of mine – particularly cum. Many people seem obsessed with it. Be it describing it, getting it all over them, etc. Meanwhile, I’m in the corner beyond disgusted by the notion of it. Which, really, doesn’t make sense. It’s just another bodily fluid, and yet… to me, it’s something that disgusts me to the core. Especially the idea of it being anywhere near my mouth.

Indeed, oral sex on folks with a penis is something I can write, and even narrate (third person), but is absoloutely one of my squicks. Even thinking about myself doing it makes my stomach twist into several knots, as if I’m going to spew. Like I said, I can handle it if someone else is the subject, but we get into people wanting me to narrate things in first person, and I’ve found that I completely freeze up and can’t do it.

This is a bit of a pain point for me as a newcomer to the NSFW voice over sphere. I accept commissions on Fiverr, but I’ve found there’s many people obsessed with their genitals. Not only that, but want to know what random people ‘think’ of their ideas. Those random people being me.

Let me just say, I am so sick of people sharing their scripts, then asking ‘what do you think’ or ‘do you like it’. The answer will always be: “No, fuck off, your likes aren’t mine, don’t ask me, you aren’t paying me for my opinion. If you wanted to pay me to lie, I would charge a LOT more. If you wanted to pay me for my honest opinion, (a) you’re going to be unhappy with it and (b) again, you’re gonna need to pay me a lot more”. I’m not paid to ‘like’ something, I am paid to narrate it. That goes for any ‘ideas’ people may have that fall outside of my personal fetishes.

I highly doubt most people have my kinks (worry not, it’s all consensual stuff between adults). So asking me what I think about my literal ‘squick’ is really stupid, and I am not afraid to say it. (Yes…some will ask even after I’ve pointed that out…) That, and wanting me to narrate oral/oral noises in the first person, or ‘praise their dick or cum’. It just… is gross to me. No. I refuse jobs like that now. Some people will and aren’t bothered by it, but I’ve learned by now to decline those scripts.

But, also, beyond it being me, it really is just super strange to ask a random freelancer on the internet, in an NSFW space or not, what they like about your kink. Can we stop doing that please? It’s weird, it’s gross, and it’s best to just stop. Seriously. Though, I almost guarantee I am preaching to the choir unless somehow this goes viral, which let’s be real, it won’t.

Anyway, all of that said, it’s hard to feel valid, because of the idea of not being ‘ace’ enough given I do feel sexual attraction and do enjoy sex. ‘Under certain conditions’ definitely applies, though. That self doubt is complicated, and I am not alone in how I feel, either.

I spoke with Matt Mason, a kind mutual of mine. He is a paranormal/urban fantasy mystery author, and you can learn more about his books here. He is on the ace spectrum as someone demisexual. I explained some of my thoughts (what I said on here) with him, and we got into a discussion. He talked about how he felt being on the spectrum of asexuality:

Our experiences with the spectrum of it are different, but we understand one another and that this is all a spectrum. We also understand the self doubt that comes along with it. Not being ‘ace’ enough.

We also got into the connection aspect of demisexuality, and he said (paraphrased here) that the connection is key and incredibly important when it comes to that attraction, something I share in a way. In my case, the story and buildup/connection between people are important. No story? No turn on, in my case.

I asked him about his experience with people invalidating him, and this is what he had to say:

The LGBTQ+ community definitely should be uplifting one another, not gatekeeping. Unfortunately, people will try to invalidate others. I see it as someone on the ace spectrum as opposed to completely asexual. I also see it as a bisexual woman in a relationship with a heterosexual guy. We have enough self doubt to deal with, for folks who should be listening and understanding one another, we should not be bringing experiences down.

Unfortunately, that is the case with those who try to invalidate us. No one is claiming their experiences or struggles are the same, or more/less valid. Just different. There’s respect that needs to be had between people, and these discussions need to be looked at through a mature lens.

In the end, it’s tough being someone like this. I’m coming to realized based on recent events I’ve been traumatized by a ‘client’ who misled me. It isn’t just for those on the ace spectrum working in NSFW spaces; this definitely applies to all in the space, and the challenges with creeps/unsavory individuals we need to deal with.

If I’ve learned one thing, it is: It’s one thing to be open minded about consensual things that happen between adults. It’s something else when a client in an NSFW business space starts getting attached to the person who is selling a product. In this case, it would be my voice. There is nothing wrong with indulging and ordering things you like, but it becomes a problem when you think the seller has any attachment.

We don’t.

Plain and simple.

So stop asking if we do, and for the love of gods, stop flirting or think we’ll want anything to do with you beyond you being a client in a strict business relationship. Ah, and for those who say ‘well you’re asking for it’? You, and your terrible take, can rot.

Or at least, that’s the way I look at it. I am just one person in a world of many.

All of that said, have some self promo. If you’re interested in my voice acting, you can check out my demos here.

Why I will not be having kids.

I saw something profound today that made me want to write this opinion piece. Ironically, it was a youtube comment in response to deforestation impacting antbirds and army ants. See the video here, if you’re curious. It’s quite sad.

I think this rings incredibly true. As someone who genuinely wanted a child or two at one point, but no longer does for reasons I’ll get into here, it’s quite a tragedy. Those of us who originally wanted kids, but then noticed how bad the world has gotten, would want what’s best for our children. Honestly, I don’t see a bright world ahead.

There are two key reasons why I will not be having children. The primary one is that I do not have the resources to have a child right now. I am unwilling to work three jobs and negatively impact my mental health, which would put me in a situation where I’d rather be dead. That would not make me a good mother. Quite frankly, jobs I originally wanted are now unobtainable. At the moment, I am trying to grow as a voice actress from the ground up.

But, also, I am completely burdened with college debt and have a degree that will go unused. Biology. Originally, I wanted to be a wildlife researcher or veterinarian. I learned that with ADD and anxiety, I have a horrible memory, bad focus, and can’t study worth shit. I am a terrible test taker. Healthcare workers are treated like shit, so that’s out too. The pandemic proved that one. Finally, I get bored incredibly easily, so my eyes turned to the arts.

Being an author doesn’t pay. There hasn’t been enough interest in my books, so I’ve lost my motivation. At least with voice acting, perhaps I can get somewhere. It’s tough, though, and at the rate I am being paid starting off, I can’t afford a family. Nor will I be able to support a child anytime soon. My generation (tail end of millennials, I was born in 1995), I suspect, mostly cannot afford houses. So I wouldn’t be able to give my kids that, either.

The world is dying, simply put, and people in power are not doing enough to save it. Science is being ignored. Hell, anti-vaxxers proved how utterly idiotic people can be in response to COVID. The American healthcare system is rotten, as is capitalism in general. Socialism is an evil word to people who are causing this country to rot away.

If I haven’t made myself clear, I do not have high hopes for the United States, nor do I for capitalism in general. I see how it completely corrupts everything it touches. Large corporations have far too much power in everything, and they don’t give a damn about workers. Late-stage capitalism just supports never ending growth that isn’t possible. If you aren’t growing, you aren’t making shareholders happy. Companies make cuts and avoid regulations like all hell, and many Americans are horribly selfish.

I was born here and can’t afford to leave, either, so I don’t want to hear bullshit about ‘well why don’t you leave then!’ Trust me, I wish I could.

Don’t even get me started on how alt-right christianity is also ripping this country to shreds. This isn’t to say good christians, who actually respect thy neighbor and let people who are not affecting them live, should be screamed at, though.

My point is… I don’t have optimism for this country, not with the extremists rising in power. Why would I bring a child into this world? Especially as a LGBTQ+ woman. I’m a bisexual grey ace cis woman who is very much not christian. I’m a polytheistic omnist and I’m so tired of seeing ‘but does this politician uphold the bible’ and all that shit, I don’t care about your disgusting bloody book and am against it being something to turn to in a country that SHOULD NOT HAVE RELIGION in its laws at all. Granted – I’m sure alt-right extremists would be drooling over the fact that I’m not interested in having kids so I wouldn’t ‘corrupt’ them or some shit.

And yet, they still keep bitching at women like me for not having kids and ‘doing my duty’. I’m not bringing kids into this world because of you, and I’m sure there’s plenty of women like me. Good people, who would make loving parents, who would try to listen to their kids. We want a good world for kids, and that’s not what we can give them. Not in the United States, with the situation like this.

With climate change no doubt gearing up to make things worse, and the powerlessness I feel (no, me eating much less beef in general will do nothing even if I’m doing it for health reasons. Large corporations need to be held accountable, not the individuals who don’t contribute nearly as much) I don’t see think it is reasonable for me, personally, to have kids.

So, if I’m asked: “Why don’t you have kids, Des?” My response will be: “Because I can’t give them a world that will be good to them, and that would be cruel.”

Perhaps I will adopt someday, when I can afford it. There will need to be a lot of research involved. As much of a pessimist I have been, lately, I can at least offer that should I be able to advance in my career. I doubt I’ll be able to afford that, but who knows what will happen in the future.

Me birthing a child, though? Maybe stop trying to regress the country to the 1800s, then we can talk about whether or not it’d be reasonable for me to be a breeding sow.

Until then, can the ‘you should have kids’ nonsense.

(Also, trust me…this is very tame compared to what I could rant about regarding the state of the US.)

HAPPY HALLOWEEN – AND BOOK RELEASE DAY!

An animated cover with music for my book!

My book, “Claws of Midgard”, has released today! It’s got a twist on Norse Mythology and is in an urban setting. The book is not a ‘hidden world’, so magic is out in the open. Vampires & Werewolves are also twisted, and there’s LGBTQ+ romantic subplots with spice at the end!

Bear in mind to not support bi-erasure; do not call one of the M/F couples ‘straight’, as I make it very clear in the book they are bisexual, like myself. Also, the book hosts werewolves that turn into wolf men, not wolves; if you’re strict about ‘shifter-like werewolves’, then this book isn’t for you!

Otherwise, let’s take a look at some reviews from readers of the book who have enjoyed it:

Then, let’s take a look at a review that really didn’t like the book:

Thankfully, you can decide whether or not you like my writing through the sample on Amazon. If anything, go check out why my writing was so bad, someone left a one-star after not finishing even the first chapter! (Please don’t do this, it’s actually extremely rude and unhelpful. At least actually get through a bit of the book before leaving a review, otherwise put it down and don’t bother. I don’t mind not touching the book/the DNF, but the review… it’s uncalled for.)

These reviews are on goodreads, so you can check out more on there if you wish. I ran a Booksprout Campaign for early reviews, and it didn’t go super well. I think I found the wrong audience for it, based on the reviews, and so modified my description in kind. I’m hoping this book falls into the hands of folks who enjoy: Heavy action, twisted/unexpected myths & creatures, & LGBTQ+ slow burn relationships.

If you want something new when it comes to Norse Mythology, check it out! Fenryr is a good boy in this, after all. So is Loki! Click here to get the book!

Looking for something else? Why not check out “The Dancing Crow” audiobook? It’s been called a ‘vampire horror’! It’s also an Urban Fantasy book by yours truly with a twist on vampires, and plenty of magic.

Horror: Dolls & Clowns? No Biggie for me. Wide Mouths? Gah!

We all have something we’re afraid of, and if someone denies that, they’re probably lying unless they have a complete lack of emotion in general. Sometimes things we’re frightened of are straightforward, like heights, spiders, the dark. I find spiders adorable, though, but that’s something for another time. There’s some common fears I don’t have, though, with little effect on me that are often used in horror.

That would be clowns and dolls. I saw IT for the first time recently, and I wasn’t scared at all, but I did like the monster design toward the end. It was an intense movie, especially when the child’s arm was ripped off (I felt so bad for the poor kid). It was a great horror movie, but simply didn’t get me. I think it got many folks when they were kids, though, hence the fear of clowns.

As for dolls, I don’t know, they’ve never been super eerie to me. Though the ‘haunted doll’ stuff is a pretty interesting plotline, I will say, and can be eerie. They work for a creepy vibe, and sure, could fall under uncanny valley, but don’t really strike true fear in me. I like using doll imagery though for a creep factor in works, though, because I know so many are offput by old dolls.

No, as for me, I would say really creepy imagery that gets me is distorted faces and long mouths. I know I covered this in a previous article, somewhat, which can be found here, but I wanted to kind of go a bit more depth into the long-mouth thing and give a few more specifics on what really struck me personally as creepy in this article. Take a look at this video:

I absoloutely adore this, because it strikes that cord of ‘oh no, that’s horrifying’ in me. Of course, I’ve seen it a few times now, so it doesn’t have as deep of an effect (the whole Momo thing was something I couldn’t even look at, now I’m numb to it, for example). But it’s really well done. It’s a bit less well done at the very end of the scene, but eh, that happens.

Here’s a case of oddly-distorting or bending limbs that gets me too. Crooked Man is one of my favorite monsters. I fell in love with the eeriness of this monster from this scene. I didn’t end up watching the entire movie… I got bored, sorry… but this monster in particular was awesome.

Finally, a case of the ‘mouth thing’ without actual distortion. Using the mouth for horror, rather. The janitor in Silent Hill (movie, and yes, I like that movie, take a walk if you have issues!) uses his tongue in a super creepy way when crawling around, and also, the sounds he makes is super fucking scary. The context of what he did to a little girl adds yet another layer of ‘this monster is disgusting and HORRIFYING’ to me.

So! Distorted limbs and long mouths get me, and I wanted to give a few more examples here that I didn’t mention much in my other article. What horror elements get you the most?

My Norse Mythology Urban Fantasy, with a twist on vampires & with LGBTQ+ romantic subplots, is coming out on Halloween! Support me, check it out here!

Darkness versus “The Light” – We need to twist things up more.

One of the most overdone tropes in fantasy, ever, is the concept of ‘dark bad’ and ‘light good’. I’m so utterly tired of it, and I bet much of the world is as well. Yes, humans are a diurnal species and trust the sun to be ‘good’ for us. It makes sense, biologically, we’d like the light places better because we can see. However, that’s not creative, and I’m saying this as someone who loves biology. Not only are there implications that go beyond just ‘we like the sunshine’ with it, but said implications can be very racist.

It’s not my place to critique that, however, though it should be mentioned and thought about. The trope isn’t inherently that way if we’re just talking about ‘sparkle sparkle light’ being good without specifying ‘white’ (though, I could be wrong, feel free to comment if you think I am off base here.) Religion tends to leak into things when we talk about ‘the light’ being good. I won’t mention any names, but I’m sure there’s plenty that people are thinking about which would be common in our world.

I say: Cut it out. It gets tiresome demonizing the shadows and darkness of night when such a setting isn’t evil, it’s just something we as humans are not adapted to see as well in. Nocturnal animals can take advantage of that, which is why we fear it. The fear of dark is very valid – I had it as a child, after all, and still feel uneasy in pitch blackness. While it can be a good tool for horror, it shouldn’t always be just flat out ‘evil’ in a story. Again, the trope itself is just so overdone.

We see ‘Dark magic’ being bad. ‘Light magic’ being good. ‘Dark magic’ being destructive, evil, amoral, all that, while ‘light’ is always praised to be good. Nevermind that the sun burns to a crisp, fire can do the same, and many methods of ‘light’ itself can be destructive. Look at lightning, as well, and you’ll start to see how ‘the light’ can very much be destructive and frightening. In the same vein, the peace of the dark. A place to hide from someone after you, a force that can aid with sleeping, something we normally see equated with the quiet and peace. Sure, the dark can be scary, and it’s a great tool. But using it as ONLY that in a story gets…old. Fast.

My advice is to mix it up a little. No, going the polar opposite is… just as bad. Light just being ‘bad’ and dark just being ‘good’ also would have no nuance. I want to see instances of the ‘dark’ being used for good and evil. Same goes for ‘the light’. The era of stories having little nuance, with just flat out ‘this is evil’ and ‘this is good’ is over. In my personal opinion? A story without variation and nuance is a bad one.

Try to keep that in mind when writing up your works, if you’re looking to flavor your writing. Please allow for nuance! Don’t lock something into a box just because a common trope says so.

Looking for someone who shatters tropes and brings something new to vampires, werewolves, norse mythology, and MAGIC?! Well, look no further than here. Claws of Midgard not only brings new concepts to the table, but also has LGBTQ+ romantic subplots you don’t want to miss. Click here to preorder the book, which will be out on Halloween.

Why I Twist Myth & Monsters in my Stories

Hey everyone!

My favorite thing about writing is how we, as authors, can twist and craft things into our own world. Some people keep the traditional lore of a monster, which can be fun, but I like to rip that to shreds and build my own stuff. That is especially the case with common paranormal monsters like vampires and werewolves. Fantasy creatures like fae and demons are also very fun to play around with.

You can see me doing so in my compendium, where I have written all of my lore out in a textbook-format style. I was always very into lore books like that. If my writing ever takes off, I’d love to have an art book. Given I am nowhere near close to doing good art yet, I would end up paying an artist for it. But, I can’t do that with no support/money, so it’s just a pipe dream for now!

That aside, I feel it’s important for authors to break the mold if they wish and not be criticized for straying from the norm (so long as it isn’t offensive to a group of people, of course, but that should be common sense). I’m talking about changing vampires from undead to a living species (what I do), or putting some nuance into demons (where they can be either good or evil). Making technologically savvy orcs, elves that originate from human x fae, humans that aren’t useless in fantasy settings, you name it. We see common tropes for all of what I mentioned, and I love seeing people break them.

I’m tired of things like Lord of the Rings and Dungeons and Dragons being the ‘go to, only follow this lore’ of fantasy authors. These are amazing classics, but they can stand alone as inspiration as opposed to rule, since fantasy is about creativity. Anyone who insults another from breaking from the pre-established lore or myth these creatures are in need to consider it’s okay to stray from what’s already written. You can’t bring something fresh to the genre without breaking the mold somehow, and in my case, I like doing it with my magical creatures.

And, of course, there’s ways to go about it that may appeal to some people, and maybe annoy people. For example, I flat out hate the vampire lore in Twilight, but can admit it did break the mold with the whole (shudder) sparkle/statue-like thing. I don’t like it myself, but some people love it, and that’s valid. I’m not a fan of how people compare any vampire work to Twilight or ask if mine ‘sparkle’ to be insulting, but that’s a rant for another day. Point is – you can break the mold and piss a bunch of people off, while at the same time bring something forward many will like.

Now, for an example of a mold-breaker I enjoyed a lot. L.J. Smith’s Night World has the ‘born vampire’ concept (though they are born undead which is silly to me, but whatever) which inspired my living vampires. I took it in a whole different direction, of course, but it’s just an uncommon thing you see with vampires. There’s a few new things she brought to the table I liked a lot, and a few things I hated.

Write what YOU would adore. Take those inspirations from others and enhance them, craft your own stories and lore. If you read my works and hate how I did one thing, but enjoy how I did another? Let it inspire you, just like how Smith’s work inspired me. You can really enjoy some of a concept and overall what someone did with a magical monster while still criticizing other elements or just… not liking bits & pieces.

Stories are your canvas. What will you write?

Interested in a story where I twist vampires, werewolves, and norse mythology? WITH LGBTQ+ ROMANTIC SUBPLOTS? Have no fear, Claws of Midgard is here. Check out my book, out on Halloween!

The Appeal of Analog Horror to Me

Analog horror is one of my favorite genres that has spawned over the past few years. Well, not really ‘born’, as ‘found footage’ stuff has been around since before the Blaire Witch Project, but ‘analog’ is something on the internet in particular, creepy short videos to tell a story in a format I’ll go into momentarily, that is pretty new.

These stories tell of nostalgic locations or themes using old ‘video tape’ feelings, from the 1950s-2000s. There is a grainy, odd feel to these, sometimes bad sound quality, to make them feel authentic. The medium can tell a story about haunted animatronics/restaurant (Walton Files), Corrupted biblical figures & police warning tapes (Mandela Catalogue), alien invasions (Gemini project), and more. There’s a whole lot of ways you can piece together a story with it, and I really love it.

Here’s one of my all time favorite examples from the Gemini Project:

The common theme with these videos is that they start off feeling ‘normal’ or just somewhat ‘off’, and continue to build up getting more and more scary. Like a horror film in a smaller format, really. Or, something is off the entire video, and it is in a series of many videos. Though to be effective, it really can’t be that ‘in your face’ at first. As you can see with what I just shared, it can get pretty dark.

Here is another video from the genre that I simply love:;

Which is an example for a commercial with medication. It gives you a glimpse into an alternative universe much scarier than our own. A lot of this leans into the uncanny valley or ‘fear of the unknown or nonsensical’ itself.

People will make fun of or put down analog horror, but honestly, I personally really love it. We all have our tastes, and the more I looked into the big ‘names’ emerging (like the Walton Files, Mandela Catalog, Channel 58, etc), the more I enjoy it. There’s so much creativity to be had in the project.

What would the next decade be called? 2010s onward? Tech would have improved vastly since then, so we wouldn’t have the grainy effect. How could you do some good ‘found footage’ on a modern phone? I would love to see this explored, and to see how one would overcome some of the challenges. You can’t rely on distortion or blurriness, but glitching, odd messages, and website hacking/interruptions? Maybe. Perhaps: “Handheld Horror”, implying you’re using a cellphone. I’d say “cellular” but obviously that sounds like the biological ‘cellular’.

What are your favorite analog horror stories? Would you like me write an article covering my thoughts on the big ones I mentioned in this article? Let me know either here or on twitter @therealdesastr!

You should check out my Norse Mythology Urban Fantasy, which as TONS of magic and a twist on vampires & werewolves! LGBTQ+ romantic subplots as well! Hop on board, get my book “Claws of Midgard” here!

Why are Vampires so sexy?!

Love or hate sexy vampires, they exist, and they have a huge impact on the paranormal genre. We all know the answer to the question above. It’s due to the haunting allure of vampires, and there’s a huge amount of ‘sexual fixations’ (Like my euphemism for ‘fetish’?) surrounding them. They are the monsters that look mostly human, but I want to talk about the importance of (some) looking sexy in lore.

There is much debate as to what is the better vampire. ‘Nosferatu-ugly’ or incredibly sexy. I think both have a place, and I fully support multiple kinds of vampires in one world to encompass this. In case you haven’t realized, I’m a huge fan of the ‘sexy’ vampire, though with varying monster-features. I tend to give my vampires blade-like teeth for every single tooth as opposed to just two fangs, jet-black eyes when in frenzy (or always, in the case of Claws of Midgard), and other things. I also love the idea of a ‘monster bat’ form.

Now, it honestly does not make vampires less of a monster when they look very nice. I consider them great because it’s excellent as a lure tactic for prey. Also, they can keep people coming back to them, especially if they have euphoric venom with drug-like properties. Free meals all the time, what’s not to love? Most bloodsucking parasites are repulsive, however in this case, they turn that upside down.

Then, there is just default ‘nice-looking’. I do this with mine, as they’re not exceptionally sexy (that’s just my style of OC if you happen to be into muscular gothic/punkish characters). Vampires in my series are sister species of humans, so they can vary in looking in any way, just like people. They do tend to be a highly active species, and with a higher metabolism, so may be of the more muscular variety, however, naturally.

All in all, the ‘why’ would be ‘because’. Do you really need an excuse to write characters you like, or lore you like, in your vampire fantasy? Not really. I do, because I want to. But don’t listen to the people who scream about ‘ruining vampires due to them not looking like a garbage heap’. I don’t take them seriously for putting down passions, and you shouldn’t either.

HOWEVER. I would say, it’s okay to express you don’t like ‘ugly, corpse like vampires’ (I sure as hell don’t) but don’t put people down for liking those versions. There’s a place for all kinds of vampires, and all of them can be written to be pretty neat.

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Something Scary: Horror Elements that Frighten Me

Being scared for fun is a blast, if you know you’re in a safe spot and not actually in danger. That’s the appeal of horror, after all! In this article, I’ll explore what tickles my fancy and puts a shiver down my spine. Remember, horror is subjective, so what scares me may not move you at all, and vice versa.

(1) Appearing out of nowhere

I admit, I can be a bit jumpy. It’s a fun game my lover and I play, where I am too engrossed in something and he just appears behind me because he made no sound approaching. Jump out of my skin every time! Also think I’ve jumped at my own shadow more than once… you know, I’m a super jumpy person. But jump scares can be fun and effective to a point. They are great in real life, like haunted houses or little (agreed upon) pranks between friends.

With stuff like this, though, it can be unpleasant sometimes. I know it’s an unpopular opinion, but a content warning of a jumpscare is really nice. For me, it doesn’t ‘ruin it’. When I can mentally prepare, it’s actually fun.

(2) Loud noises

I feel like the older I’ve gotten, the less I like loud noises. I may like concerts still, but sudden loud noises get me and make me jump. However, when I’m prepped for it, it’s awesome. Things like “Kane Pixel”‘s videos on the backrooms are effective for that. Loud, metallic screeching, and such like that. I know I jump at the icemaker from time to time…after many years of hearing it. Apparently, I never learn. Anyway, you want to be careful with overuse of loud noises, just like jumpscares. They seem to fall in the same category of fear-type.

(3) Distorted faces

Something a bit less straightforward that gets me are distorted faces. I will get more into elongated ones in another article, but distortion in general is offputting. May be an ingrained fear. I know it’s used in analog horror a lot (yet another topic I will cover sometime) and some take it less seriously, but it’s all subjective. It really does get me, though of course it has to be done the right way. Due to suspension of disbelief, even an obviously edited one can (Sometimes) get me.

(4) Uncanny valley

Same situation as distorted faces. I love the uncanny valley, when something looks not quite right, be it close to human or something like that. The teddy bear with human teeth thing. This can be used in sound, too, where a song may not sound quite right. Bits of it being backwards, for example. But the whole ‘not quite right’ aspect is a lot of fun. How far can you push something until it enters the uncanny valley?

Just a short article to give tidbits on what can get me sometimes, either of shock or creepiness. It’s a subject that could be dived into far deeper at some point, but sometimes short and simple steals the cake!

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Why Liminal Spaces have a soft spot in horror for me & in Defense of adding Monsters to the Backrooms

The Backrooms. I cover lore on this, check out my tiktok.

Gods, I love liminal spaces. I tend to talk about them a lot, and may have an article similar to this somewhere… wait… let me search… nope, nothing comes up when I look up ‘liminal’. I’ve written so many articles that sometimes I need to check. I get passionate about topics a lot and want to talk about them over and over! Anyway, glad to see this subject from me isn’t being repeated.

The isolation aspect is pretty creepy to me. Tons of people have that fear of dying alone, and being lost forever. Liminal spaces emulate that. They’re a transitional area, but what if you were caught in that transition from point A to point B forever? Sort of like being lost at an airport (which is a liminal space). Never returning home or arriving to where you’re going, that’s eerie.

However, I have a different opinion than some on Twitter with regard to a particular internet phenomenon that’s been taking of lately, large in part due to Kane Pixel’s videos. If you haven’t checked them out, take a look here:

Monsters feature in their video, which is really neat. You can see the monster, even if briefly, and the noises are particularly eerie. There is much debate on the internet as to whether or not the monster-additions to the backrooms were good or bad. Personally, I love them and think they’re a good thing. “Level 0”, or the first image of this article, depicts the vast emptiness of feeling alone. Per lore, there’s not really supposed to be monsters there (aside from special cases like Kane’s videos.)

A lot of people say adding the monsters ‘ruins’ the backrooms, but to me, it enhances it. The other part of liminal spaces is what really gets me: The feeling of not being alone, or being watched. Isolation is horrifying, but what’s more scary, to me, is the thought that you could be ripped to shreds by some horrors at any time. Sure, some of the lore can be shaky, as anyone can add to it (though there may be an approval process). But this allows the other aspect of fear (being watched in these spaces) to be explored.

Honestly, if you don’t present a powerful thing that can hurt you, is it really that scary? Sure, humans can be the most scary monsters out there, but we know that, it’s proven in real life on the regular. I give a big thumbs up to people and their monster designs and roll my eyes at people who whine ‘the backrooms are bad now/ruined’. People are expressing their creativity, there’s a mixture of mud and gems there. You may need to work to find something you like, but the entire premise is not trash because you may not like it.

So, in defense of the expanding backrooms, I think it’s a wonderful thing and gets people interested, at a young age, in horror. I get that some like just the isolation aspect, but to me, that’s not the scariest thing about either liminal spaces or the backrooms. The creep factor is that something could be watching, just off screen or out of sight, and waiting to drag you off.

Have a bonus picture I commissioned! I snapped a ‘liminal space’ picture when it felt eerie that there were no cars in the front of my apartment (they were doing road work). Then, I found a monster artist who slapped a monster right there. I call him ‘longboi’. He’s friendly to me, not to you.

Anyway, if you’re interested in someone who covers ‘backrooms’ lore, which is just a bunch of neat internet horror/eerie liminal space stuff, you can see my tiktok here.

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