To be honest, I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. It’s been months since I’ve gotten any writing done, and you’d think that I’d have a ton of time due to the quarantine effect and having less hours at work. In reality, my motivation has been dead for a while, and so has my love for my series.
It’s a shame, really. I had so much enthusiasm once upon a time, but when I self-published and no one seemed interested at all, I just kinda fell flat. I figured I was writing a series that could bring something new to the vampire genre, along with urban fantasy too. That turns out to not be the case, of course.
I’ve taken upon trying to learn art during these trying times, but it’s just as frustrating. I have no art classes, no background, and seeing everyone around me make these gorgeous pieces just demotivates me even further. I feel the need to get something done, and that I’m just wasting away being useless. It’s a horrible feeling, to be honest.
I figured I’d write this up in my own little corner of the world. I’m sorry to be depressing, but I wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere. Writer’s block is real, as is impostor syndrome. I’m having a very hard time getting over both, and I think I’m sitting here in a depression as well. Which is understandable during these times, of course.
I hope other writers aren’t falling into this hole, and that there’s inspiration out there to keep people writing. I’m going to try to read more books, but it’s difficult to stay interested even in that vein, as I find myself distracted easily and doing mindless tasks like watching videos and wasting so much time. I know everyone talks about ‘self-care’ and such, but it just isn’t working out, and none of those of whom I talk with online are able to help this mentality all that much.
So this is where I’m at. I’ve had no motivation to work on my blog lately either, can’t really think of much to talk about. I used to be full of ideas, but everything feels so grey and melancholy. Maybe that will change when this pandemic is over, but who knows.
Des M. Astor 
I completely understand this. It’s awful when our muses float away. They can be so damn fickle sometimes. I felt this way with Mercatija for the longest time. I’ve told you before it took me 10 years to finally finish that beast. I’m constantly worried in the back of my mind that my muse is going to leave me and I won’t find motivation to write. You’re absolutely right to keep learning during this time. Your art is developing wonderfully! And the only person you have to compare yourself to is you. Everyone starts somewhere, no one woke up one day completely amazing at art or writing. Practice makes perfect and your determination is such an inspiration to me. Don’t give up hope!
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Thanks so much, means a lot for you to say that đŸ™‚ And yeah you did a BEAUTIFUL job with Mercatija, as someone who really appreciates your work. I think my muse will crawl back soon, I’ve been roleplaying a lot, which has helped. I think once I do a bit more art, I really can get things going again with my writing too!
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