I went looking through the photos I’ve taken throughout the years only to discover that I really don’t take pictures during Christmas time. Which I don’t really find to be all that strange. Halloween is more fun, where I can be something else! Christmas is something I see as a chance to hang out with family and catch up on how they’re doing.
Why then, this year, am I feeling off? Well, this is the first year I’m not seeing them. I’ve moved away from my state to pursue my career and move on with my life. I care about my family dearly, and like any I’ll clash with them at times, but overall I love them all. They mean a lot to me, and it kind of hurts to be away from them this Christmas. Sadly, I wasn’t able to buy a plane ticket–$600 is a crazy amount when I’m already drowning in student loan debt and just trying to get a foothold with a job here.
Now, there’s tons of people way worse off than me, with more valid reasons as to why they can’t see their families. That much I understand. But in my own little corner of the world, here, my site, I figured I could share my feelings as someone that’s just moved and is working on establishing herself.
Thus far, I’ve greatly enjoyed my time in this place, and my lover is amazing. He and I really do connect, and I’m grateful to have him. He’s supported my writing journey so much, and he understands why I’m so down this Christmas. I thought that I’d be a tough woman and not have any feelings when moving. I tried to shove them all down and say, ‘Listen Des. This is a new step in your life, suck it up, you got this.’ And I do have this, yes, but I’m coming to realize that it’s both OK to cry and miss my family during this time too.
Now, I’m not a Christian–I’m actually omnistic and pick the gods I choose to worship. I guess sometime I could do a post explaining how my religion and belief system works, because it’s highly unusual and I haven’t seen many others that think like I do. Which I don’t mind, of course, my mind is a bit out of whack anyway. But my point is, I celebrate this holiday as a way to be in spirit and be happy about my family. I love giving gifts, though this year I’m tight on money due to just having graduated and moved. Yet another thing bringing me down, of course.
I think the stark difference in weather has got me as well. I’ve moved from an area that gets tons of snow in the winter to down South, where there’s pretty much never snow, and there can be days in the middle of winter up to 80 degrees Fahrenheit. My lover says that got him when he first moved here from the North as well, so at least it’s common.
But yeah, I figured I’d post a little bit of my feelings today. I’m not intending on whining or anything like that, just kind of getting my thoughts on the matter down. I am going to plan a trip up North next year, and by then I’ll no doubt feel a bit better.
I hope you all have Happy Holidays though, and if you’re feeling lonesome this season, hopefully you can find some happiness as well. Don’t forget to reach out to those that care about you should you be down. There’s nothing wrong with asking for a little bit of comfort!
3 thoughts on “It’s Starting to Feel a Lot like Christmas…Well, Not Really.”
Sorry to hear that you’re struggling a bit this holiday season. I have always found Christmas to be a weirdly sensitive holiday . . . the slightest change in tradition throws the whole thing off.
I am very curious about your omnistic beliefs, as that is something I’m not familiar with! I generally consider myself agnostic by default, because I struggle to believe in anything, though I gravitate a lot toward pagans. I’ve never met someone who sort of “mixes” pantheons, which is what it maybe sounds like your beliefs are? Unless I’m misunderstanding. Definitely something worth doing a post on, if you decide that you feel up to it!
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You’re correct! My beliefs are extremely strange. But yes, ominists believe in everything simultaneously. I choose to worship specific deities, but in my own personal way. It’s complicated and I’ll definitely do a post on that!
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Would love to hear more about which deities you’ve chosen and why!
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